A letter to my past part I: the lack of memory.

I write today, pensively, in reflection on my life: my twenty years. A few things mark my current situation in my journey. First, my faith in Jesus is strong. I trust in Him to fulfill me as he so consistently, faithfully and mightily does. Second, I miss my friend Ryan Robertson who just passed away two weeks ago. Living in the blessings from God, and reflecting on my involvement in Ryan’s life, causes me to consider my own. Strangely enough, my life is divided into two distinct categories: A time of forgetfulness and a time of memory. To put it plainly, I cannot remember the first eleven years of my life, but the subsequent 8 are as vivid as each passing moment I spend in silence as I proceed throughout my day. Simultaneously, This "Forgetfulness" period ended as my friendship with Ryan blossomed, thus the threadlike connection with my current thoughts, to my reflective and introspective analysis.

Here are the things that I remember in the first twelve years of my life. I remember playing soccer with my dad twice: Once outside my house and another time at "Hiding Park" - which doesn't exist anymore. I remember eating potato chips and watching basketball on TV (but only one distinct game, it was the NY Knicks vs. Charlotte Hornets) - even though we must have done this for several hundred games. I remember being disciplined by my dad. I remember jumping off of the back a truck going 30mph...My first lesson in inertia. I also remember going to church for the elders to pray for me. I don't remember why. I also remember being tormented and struggling with that for so long. That final memory is what really dominated my childhood and is what made it difficult for me, and what frankly ruined it. Even when I see pictures of things that I did, I have nothing within me that that seizes them and releases any thoughts or recollection of events. It is such a deep black hole in my life that I so wish to know about, but fear I will be disappointed when I come to understand.

I write this today in an effort to be transparent. I desire light, I don't want anything to be hidden, and the darkness of deception is a lonely place.

John 8:31-32 Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

1 Corinthians 4:5 - He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts.

Weaving those two verses together, I feel inspired to be a son of the Truth, and to be open about my life, open about my motives, and to share my thoughts without shame. Ryan's father Rob really taught me a good lesson over the past few years about being humbly vulnerable to love through consistent honesty. Even in the face of the deepest pain and sorrow, by the grace of God he is strong, even in tears, strong enough to open his arms and open his heart and share his struggles. I am confident that that strength can propel him through any obstacle as I have seen him overcome many and lead his family through many more. I aspire to be a strong enough man to allow myself to be vulnerable like that. I think my children would appreciate it too.

While I sit here, I can't help but wonder at the gaps in my life that I cannot resurrect. Times where I was not in control of my life - where the enemy had a grip on my spirit, I cannot remember at all. Is that for my own protection and benefit? Or is that a loss in the battle for my soul? I also wonder why, as a mere child I was chosen to be tormented. I have no idea why. Being so feeble, so young, perhaps I was an easy target? I don't fully comprehend the schemes that the devil employs to attempt to pluck children out of the hand of their Creator. All I know is unfortunately, for most of my life I have been a victim to that. It causes me to wonder how things would be different...Would my life be better? But my God, reassuring me puts this passage of scripture on my heart:

Romans 8:28-30 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

My struggles are not in vain. Even with the memory loss, I can still consciously feel the difference between filled with the devil and being filled with the Holy Spirit, and oh my! What a difference that is! I speak now, filled with the love of my Father GOD in defiance to the hatred of the enemy, Satan, while I relish the presence of the Lord, especially in comparison to where I came from: the valley of the shadow of death - straight evil.

In conclusion, I don't quite know what to make of those years, other than to know that I have been given a unique perspective on life as one who has come from death and been brought into abundant life. My story in some ways parallels that of my friend Ryan, as he went through many of the same struggles. And in that instance of a friendship, we became inseparably close because of the understanding of hardship that we shared. We had respect for each other, respect for experience: the unfortunate, yet strong tool to infuse wisdom into the life of fools. More about this and more about other such things are to come in my second letter. For now, I have to depart and face my day, my new day. I love you dear reader, thank you for being patient and allowing me to share my story with you.


Michael Nicholas Hallak

A Letter to my friends: Obedience and Reconciliation in the life of Michael

It's been a while, but tonight I feel led to write to you all, my dear readers, and my beloved friends. Please forgive my absence, my life has been filled to the brim with blessings, but with blessings comes responsibility, and ultimately a time commitment. I pray that this letter portrays the position my heart is in clearly, and that you be blessed while you participate in my life through my recorded words. Who knows, this may be another tame letter where I pour out my heart with the best of my vocabulary, or if the Lord wills it, He may pour out his Spirit on me, in which case this letter will explode and potentially turn into novel. Either way, here is my life:

There must be many things you don't know about me. If you knew everything, I doubt you would stop to read this. I am a product of an unstable home. Now let me define that by examples here. By unstable, I mean inconsistent; a good week could result in several bad days. Even hourly, peace and tranquility may give way to turmoil and shouting. This trend is steadily on the decline, but occasionally I find myself caught up in it. Let's take it back to the source. My parents were married twice to each other; they were separated and came back together a number of years before I was born. Until recently, I never felt like their reconciliation was complete. Constant arguing and uproar in the household was an audible clue to me growing up that there was tension between my parents. I love them, but that environment was rough for me growing up. If you have known me for a while, you will be able to recognize what I just described. The purpose of this letter is not a bitterness rant against my parents, rather I wish to speak of the work that Christ has done, and is continuing in our home, and how humbled and blessed I am to be able to experience this in my 20th year.

This whole subject is a tender one for me still. I am not yet far enough removed from the bad memories; I still remember recent rough days. Moreover, I deeply love my parents, and in growing up and learning to submit, I am moved by how much I really owe them. As a result, I delight in admonishing them as the wise son in Proverbs.

Unity and a shared vision is something I have always desired for this house, but in my folly, I never took ample strides towards either. In October, everything began to change. I was attending the City Church for a few months on my own now, while my mom was attending Westminster Chapel (great church that I grew up in) and my dad was not going anywhere.

Mark 3:25 says:

If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

And the paraphrase in Matthew 12:25 reads:

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand."

Now these two scriptures certainly described my home. Everyone had their own agenda. Nobody helped each other. Everyone had their own set of expectations. Nobody had peace. Well my mother had seen good changes in my attitude since going to the new church, and she delighted in what she saw so she promptly accepted my invitation to accompany me to Sunday services. The following week, my dad followed suit, and for the first time in several years we all went to the same location on Sunday mornings. PHEW! Well that is only the beginning, praise God. Since then, my dad and I have grown increasingly close, and as I wrote earlier in another letter, I can proudly declare that he is one of my closest friends, and I love him dearly. I also have since learned a finer respect for my beautiful mother, and nothing feels better than to serve her and to hear her tell me that she recognizes my effort, and blesses me. I now accept correction from them, and they pour out encouragement on me like I have never experienced. It breaks my heart that it took me 20 years to finally get a clue that this is the type of family relationship the Lord desires for me.

Once I think of all the time wasted bickering, I can’t help but cry. None of it was worth it... I would take it back and submit everything if I had the option. Now, all I have is the future, and I pray for my parent's health so that we may continue to build together. I still have so much to learn from them! I thank God for keeping us together thus far. It just hurts to think of them not being around, so here I will digress so that I do not get too emotional while I write this.

Blessings have followed me since I began respecting my parents. Physical healing in my body, elimination of debt, success in school, protection on the roads, peace in my heart, financial support, acceptance to SPU...I could write a list of blessings that stretches so wide I wouldn't be able to see both ends at once.


Hebrews 13:17 -

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Proverbs 19:17 -

He who obeys instructions guards his life,
But he who is contemptuous of his ways will die.

These two verses are the premise of my blessing. I have been protected from so many ill situations because of listening to the advice of my parents, rather than being devious and rebelling against their word. I have not been pulled over since the first week of January (a record for me honestly, considering I have been pulled over 28 times in my 3 year driving career) and I have stayed clear of accidents and injuries. I have also not been sick in a year and a half, swiftly approaching two years. Disputes among friends is also at an all time low, and I believe all of this to be because I am submitting to the will of my earthly father, as he has been instituted by my Heavenly Father. Obedience results in peace.


The highest calling for a child in his father's household is to obey his father's commands. I am glad I know this now; I pray that I will be able to teach my children in much the same way. Now that life is progressing and I am finally growing up, I have all these things I still need to learn. Pray that I continue to listen, cuz I can't get enough of that wisdom these days. Thanks for bearing with my letter; I wish to write more so that my thoughts remain coherent when I transcribe them. Lord willing, this will serve as an introduction to more and more scripts that I may really go off on. May you be blessed, and smile as you recall the content of this letter, and may you enjoy the peace and protection that the Obedience in the Lord provides.

Michael Nicholas Hallak

A Letter to My Dad

To my dad.

I have allot to be thankful. You are such a cool dude. I have had so many awesome memories with you, from us trading stories, to playing basketball, to wrestling, to playing in the pool, to listening to your jokes. The fun only seems to pick up as we grow older. I have now lived a third of your life. It feels a little strange to know that your generation is 40 years removed from mine, but yet I can still enjoy your company. I'm gonna really miss you when you go, and I pray that you will live to see my kids dunking and beating my old marks. That means that you are gonna have to be here at least another 20 years, so hold on cuz its gonna be an awesome time! I wouldn't mind if you stuck around here for longer than that, but that is the minimum that I will accept.

I'm not only blessed to have you as a dad, I am grateful for your friendship. As I grow older and we can relate to each other, and more responsibilities come upon me, I start to learn how much you have done for me in my childhood to raise me. People tell me all the time that I must have amazing parents by what they observe in me. I am glad that I can live up to the expectations of you: the man who deserves the credit.

Furthermore, I praise God that we go to church together. I know we used to go just a couple times a year together, for the big services when I was forced to sit with you and mom. Now I look forward to every week when we can go sit and worship and pray together. That one Sunday where we went up for prayer together was a very special moment in my life. I couldn't help but look back on the arguments we have had. In light of the difficulties we have experienced, it is a rather monumental thing that we were willing to do that together. I have watched your faith grown in the past few months, and I have watched how you are blessed because of it. I praise God for it, and I am excited to see this take off.

There were two humbling experiences that occurred in the past couple of weeks, other than walking down to the altar at church. The first being, when work slowed down for you in February, but yet I was able to make some money. You have given me so much over the course of my 20 years. Since money is one of the quantifiable things that you have contributed, I feel like I have a greater grasp for it than some of the other areas you bless me in. Being able to give you the money I made in that month, was difficult first, knowing that I have debts to pay. But the Lord released me in holding it, and I gave it to you. I haven't looked back since doing that, and I know that you are being a better steward that I would. It gave me a window into how it is to be a breadwinner for the family, and also created in me a new appreciation for all the thousands more you have given and keep giving me. What is mine is yours, and it felt good to be on the giving end this time.

The second experience was with probability theory. When you asked me if I knew probability theory, to be honest, I had forgotten most of what I know. But you asked for help so I came down to do my best. You are the one who gave me my exposure to probability theory, and the rest I got from the past 4 years of my math career after leaving your instruction. Well, teaching you was fun. I get my love for teaching math from you, and when I help other people I cant help but think of your influence on that area of my life. Sure mom is a teacher, but you were my math teacher. Even our dear friend from Costa Rica said that while Daniel is "Susanito" (little Susan), I am "Samirito" (little Sam). I have certainly grown up to be like you in many ways, including a love for teaching math. Well, the process of becoming your teacher from your student is much like becoming a man and being entrusted with more responsibilities. Growing up, I never thought I would know more than you in a subject of your expertise. It is humbling to see that the Lord has delivered me this far. I know also that I have much further to go, but I wanted to pause here to record it because this is noteworthy, not only in my career, but also in my life and our friendship.

There is one thing I want to point out about you that all my of my friends recognize: your generosity. Everybody says "dude, Michael, your dad is so nice". You are always serving us! I know that brings you great joy to support us in our activities by bringing us food, or drinks, or toys, or jokes, or anything to make us happy. Dad, My word for you that God gave me to share is that this attitude that you embody, the attitude of a servant, is the attitude of Christ. We are all called to serve as Christ served:

Mark 9:35 - Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

Dad, I know that you were commissioned by God to serve like you do.

Acts 26:16 "...the Lord replied. 'Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you."

I know that our Father God has duly made note of your generosity. I am glad that I have such a good tangible example to learn about the attitude a Christian must have. It's really cool, thanks dad.

Even though I consider us friends now, I do still recognize your authority. I want to let you know and declare to you that I feel convicted to do more to listen to your guidance.

Proverbs 4:10 - Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.

Proverbs is stacked with verses like these. If I tried quoting them all, I would just have to rewrite the Book of Proverbs! You have a sort of prophetic sense about you, and seem to do well at predicting disasters and dangerous incidents. I accept it, and I realize that you are put into position over me by God. So to you goes the respect, even if I disagree on what you have to say. I hope this letter finds you in a good mood, probably clipping news paper articles, making juice for the family, or cleaning some pile of junk up. Thanks for it all dad, the good and the bad. I love you dude!

Michael

Vision of a Crow

The Vision of A Crow

I had a bizarre dream last night that still consumes my thoughts this afternoon. All the pieces that fit together seem so abstract, but they all come together, and I feel that I have been blessed with some conclusions as to the meaning of it. Here it goes!

It was a sunny day, possibly like today but I remember it being a bit warmer. I was in the airport going to visit my dear friend Laurie, which seems silly that I would need to go to the airport to do this, because we live in the same city. However, here I was at the airport. I was waiting at the wrong gate and ended up missing two flights out to see her. This frustrated me, because I wasn’t at the airport to see the airport, I was here to get out of here to see Laurie. I went to the computer and discovered that another flight was scheduled to leave in 3 minutes, so I ran to the gate and booked it down the boarding bridge to the door to the plane. Here I found one of the flight attendants (read: some dude) playing soccer. I tried yelling at him but he didn’t respond for about 5 minutes until I was a few feet away from him. He then listened to my request to board the plane, and promptly allowed me in. Interestingly enough, I didn’t need any identification or plane ticket to board this plane; the security and scheduling was more like a metro bus than anything else.

I took a seat in the back right in a wide plane that reminded me of a theatre. There were two gay dudes in front of me, and that made me uncomfortable so I moved a few places to the right to avoid them. A few minutes later, a classmate came and sat next to me. We had some semi-intelligent conversation that had quite a few laughs worked in. We took off and this was the state of the plane for quite some time.

Then the captain came out into the sitting area, taking the appearance of a pirate. He was holding a large crow in his right hand and announced that the crow would check the passengers now. Subsequently, it started in the front-left of the room, the corner opposite to me. This was convenient, because that would mean that I would be checked last. “Checking” involved stretching out your hand and allowing the crow to peck it once, drawing blood, then licking your wounded hand to taste your character. Everyone had readily accepted the test like it was normal and had a smart wound to show for it. When it as my turn I glared into the eyes of the crow and it cocked its head to the side, rolling it sideways as birds do to get a better look at me. Seeing that it couldn’t see into my soul, and that I could see the evil in his, it became frustrated and flew to my hands to perform the test on me. I was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt, which I in the real world I wore to bed and am wearing as I write.

I pulled my hood over my head, stretched my arms out and clenched my fists with my palms facing the floor. Everyone in the room was watching as the crow pecked my hand, but could draw no blood. In disbelief, it licked my hand expecting to taste it, but finding none, it tried pecking again. I then saw that its tongue was long like a wood-pecker’s tongue. It tried desperately to break through my skin but it could not, so it became angry and wrapped itself around my head in an effort to smother me and tried pecking the back of my neck to take my life. I felt my body go into a trance and my whole being felt bound and paralyzed; I couldn’t move. I also saw that I floated out of my chair and was spun upside-down. I felt like I was drowning but I had to resist. I tried twice to break free, wake up, and cast off the crow, but I could not. On my third attempt, I prayed feverishly to the Lord in a language that I don’t know, and summoned all my strength, and He came and empowered me. I then went ballistic and woke up yelling at the top of my lungs, my whole body tensely flexed and agitated. It was finally over.

Immediately, the thought that came to me is resist your slumber and keep watch, mobilize yourself because there is the duty of the Kingdom to do. I went back to sleep and woke up with more thoughts on my dream that I will summarize here:

I find this to be a vision of times to come. When seeking something (or someone) there will be difficulties and challenges, but it will not be insurmountable if they are in line with the Lord’s calling, plan, and purpose for me. Basically, if God desires it for my life and I am following Him, I’m gonna wind up receiving it one way or another. The glory is his!

The crow is the coming of Evil, Darkness and Lies to our world. He is death. Fortunately for me, I have already died and been born again, and I am granted eternal life, so I won’t die anymore. Thus, he had no power over me.

1 Peter 1:22-25 - Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For,
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.”

Further, I see that I will not fall when the decision to follow truth or sin presents itself. I am talking the end of the world here, and a time where accepting a mark to be part of this world, or rejecting it to be a part of heaven. I will reject the mark with the grace of God. It will not define me, I will be defined by the mission the Kingdom of God has set apart for me.

Also, many around me will be deceived, but the Lord will protect me in tribulation.

Luke 21:8 - He replied: "Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and, 'The time is near.' Do not follow them.

See, I am not saying freak out and that the end of the world is gonna happen before I can grow another beard (read: 20 minutes), but I’m saying keep watch because that day will come, I promise.

Jeramiah 51:20 says –
"You are my war club,
my weapon for battle—
with you I shatter nations,
with you I destroy kingdoms.

And I embrace the day that comes true. This was prophesied over me 4 years ago, and it makes much more sense now, not just from the dream, but more so from what the Lord has been teaching me lately. Psalm 112 affirms this for me as well and I believe it whole heartedly.


Psalm 112 -
Praise the LORD.
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who finds great delight in his commands.
His children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.
Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.
Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,
who conducts his affairs with justice.
Surely he will never be shaken;
a righteous man will be remembered forever.
He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.
He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn will be lifted high in honor.
The wicked man will see and be vexed,
he will gnash his teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

You feel me? That passage sums up my dream.

This dream also reaffirms my weakness without the power of the Lord. It is humbling, but

1 Peter 5:5-11 - Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

My brother Daniel shared that with me yesterday. It certainly applies, so I praise God for that wisdom in scripture from him.

Acts 2:17 says that: " 'In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.

Thank God it goes on to say that in verse 21 -

And everyone who calls
on the name of the Lord will be saved.

Later in this chapter, verse 25 - David said about [Jesus Christ]:
"I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will live in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.”

And this is certainly what I experienced in my dream, and in the time after waking up. Now I know that this doesn't just speak to my life, it is applicable to all who put their trust in the Lord as the end draws near. I praise God for taking me out of a situation where my dreams would haunt me. He now fills me with the Holy Spirit even in my sleep, and I wake up rested and restored with a vision of His plan, to build my faith and to glorify Himself with his immense power. I am under the blanket of protection that comes from His favor thanks to the immense grace that He pours out on me. I am humbled and blessed and thankful for my God, His name endures forever! Amen.

Sincerely,

Michael Nicholas Hallak

Why I Wear Jeans to Bed

Why I wear jeans to bed

I feel like I may touch on some things in this letter that many readers will identify with. I am going out on a limb here by writing this letter. This seems to be the theme in my writing lately: transparency, vulnerability, and honesty. The first two I have formerly looked upon as weakness, but I am changing and growing; I now see them as a necessary facet of manhood. So I am prompted to share and put my words down for you my dear friends to see into my heart, and possibly reflect upon yours as I know we are all soldiers of the same struggles. Please realize with that said, this is easy for me to write, but difficult to share. What spurs me on however are these two verses:

Romans 8:1 - "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

-And-

1 Corinthians 4:5 - "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts."

What I understand from these two passages of scripture is that I am free from condemnation and judgment, and free to reside in the truth. I am free to allow secrets come to light, because I am no longer bound by my folly, but am freed by my faith in Jesus Christ. So with that premise, let me begin.

I was talking with my mom the other day, and she made this comment to me:

"For having such a short life, you have had so many unfortunate situations rise up. I pray that you can get your life together and that you truly follow the Lord."

She couldn't be further from the truth with that statement. If you take into account all of the failed relationships, all the vehicle accidents, all the debts, all the injuries, fights, arguments, times I've been arrested or pulled over or any other situations where I have struggled through, you would be surprised that I am only 20 years old. All of these things can easily destroy the morale of a young soldier of life. I am just glad that through the power of Christ I am able to overcome all opposition, and like Job, the man who had the most trials in scripture, I have favor with my Lord God, and I will make it through tough times, and turn away from folly.

I recognize that I need to change many things in my life, and I need to grow up and become a man. There are many areas that need growth, including wisdom, decision making, discernment, perseverance, time management, and many others. You may be wondering, “What any of this has to do with wearing jeans to bed?” Well let’s look at a few instances that may be described by either “weariness”, “preparedness”, or “apprehension”.

I am a hard working man, and some days I come home too tired to stand or think, so I flop on my bed in the clothes that I have been wearing all day and pass out. Sometimes I work so hard I cannot even comprehend changing into something more comfortable; being off my feet is the most comfortable situation that my body will accept. So I sleep in my jeans. The next day I may go forth and continue work in the same pair of jeans and the process perpetuates. This is a primitive example relating to preparedness of why I do this, but it is a common practice for me on days where I am worked to the bone.

Sometimes I wear my jeans to bed out of fear and apprehension. Occasionally I fear evacuation, or some disaster to overcome me. This tells about the condition of my heart at these moments. I wear my jeans to bed and look out my window, a common practice when my heart is troubled since I was a child. These are the times where I feel the weight of my past bearing down on me, and this seems like the easy solution to coping with it.

Proverbs 3:24-26 outlines the situation:

"when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared."

Also, written above my bed in my room,

Psalm 4:8 – I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Since Christ is my confidence, I need not worry about these things, he is keeping watch over my household, over my spirit, over my body, and I can rest.

Another time I wear my jeans to bed is when I am feeling alone. See, there was a time where I didn't sleep alone. I never understood when I made the decision to be intimate with someone to that degree, how painful withdrawing from that situation would be. Intimate couples are not meant to be separated. Intimate couples don't sleep with their jeans on either. Sometimes it is a reflective statement that I sleep on a bed too small for even my frame, and that I sleep in my jeans, to note that I desire different things at this stage in my life. This aloneness, this solitude is best expressed in being fulfilled by the desire for a relationship with my Father in heaven. Now as I mentioned earlier, it helps to know that I am no longer condemned for my actions of sin, but also

2 Corinthians 5:17 says - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I am no longer bound by the desire to serve my flesh and to be physically intimate with someone. I need not be bound to an old way; I am free to live a new life without the burden of my past lifestyle. It is evident that standing alone, this is a weakness for me, but later in

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

The Grace of God is sufficient to draw me near to him. It is written in

Hebrews 6:4-6 - It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance.

And that is certainly what happened to me. So I wear Jeans to bed and praise God for being delivered from a situation where I would do something else. The reason dominating all of the aforementioned things is summed up in looking to the Lord for his return.

Matthew 24:50 - The Master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of.

I am the servant, my Master is the Lord Jesus Christ. I am ready for his return, I am ready for his calling, I am ready to spring out of bed and greet the day without needing to tediously prepare.

I was given this word the past two weeks: If you are cruising through life and your faith isn't being tested, beware! This is a trap! This is a situation where we become tempted to believe that our God is dormant, and that our God isn't actively working in our lives. This gives us the window to rely on our strength, and to forsake reliance on God. Suddenly you will fall and wonder "Where is my God?" when all the while you were wondering away from him, floating on the seas of life, getting tossed about without a Heavenly Guide to lead you. We as Christians are called to be on fire! If we aren't blitzing in life we are doing something wrong. I have been given this word, I have been given this revelation, and even look in the book of

Revelation 3:15-16 - I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

And further,

Matthew 17:20 "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Jesus is speaking in the quotes)

GO GET OUT IN FAITH! Declare miracles in the Name of the Lord! Stop relying on your own wisdom, strength, and pride, look! Here is wisdom from the wisest man who ever lived:

Proverbs 3:7 - Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

Proverbs 26:12 - Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

And Isaiah the prophet says here:

Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.

What I feel this is doing is akin to the parable of the talents. The man who cruises through life and doesn't passionately pursue his salvation and the work of the Kingdom is like the man who burried his talent in the ground. The Lord will be displeased with you when the day comes where you need to answer for the talent He entrusted in your care. Now a final word on this topic from

1 Timothy 6:11-12 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses

Blitz in life, don't cruise. Blitz, Blitz, Blitz!

I wear Jeans to bed because I passionately pursue my Creator, and I always want to be ready to rise up and do His will. I think if the prophet Samuel lived in this day and age, he would wear his jeans to bed haha. He was always ready. This is the overall dominating reason why I wear jeans to bed; I want to be ready. It isn't every day, but it is a physical reminder of a spiritual goal, and I praise God for the power this illustration has ministered in my life. I only pray that you feel motivated to always have your jeans on. I don't mean literally...you really should wear pajamas to bed, but carry the mentality of readiness to do the will of the Lord. I thank you for bearing through the body of this letter, may you be blessed, and ready. I also pray that the Holy Spirit will grip you through this letter as it gripped me as I wrote. Praise Jesus, He is so good! Amen.

Sincerely,

Michael Nicholas Hallak